Joanna's Ultimate Guide to Au Pairing? Maybe not entirely, but I certainly do have quite a bit to say on the topic.
Things I wish I knew that weren't so obvious to me when first picking host families:
-If one of the parents works from home or even worse, is a stay at home mum, then STAY AWAY. If you are like me and enjoy your privacy, then you will find it immensely annoying never being able to have the house to yourself, or having to say hi/bye each time you enter/leave the house. Never being able to cook what you want to, etc.
-The families that offer the most money are also the ones that expect the most. I'm not saying go for the stingiest family either, but I think that families who offer extras like phone plans, transport passes, health insurance and language courses are often the best ones to au pair for because that means they are actually quite considerate of your needs.
-The worst type of family to au pair for is one that has only had one au pair. Because then they have someone to compare you to, and trust me, after they have lived with someone for a year, they will only be able to nitpick bad things about you. Families that have had more than 1 au pair are the best to au pair for because they are used to a range of personality types and generally more easygoing/open minded. Families that have had no au pair before can be ok because they don't know what to expect, but that is simultaneously awkward if you are also a first time au pair and also don't know what to expect.
-'Integration into the family' is generally not a good thing. You don't want a family that wants to include you in their activities because this almost never works, and in the end it feels more like work during free time anyway because you have to put on this 'I LOVE YOUR KIDS' persona in front of the parents. Simply put, in the end, no matter what you try to pretend otherwise, you are still an employee who gets paid and is living with your employer.
-Describe your personality and what you expect very honestly and bluntly. If you are an introvert and do not want to stay and chat after dinner with host parents, then say so.
-Think about WHY the host family needs an au pair. Do they really 'need' one? Some families, especially ones that have stay at home mums, actually seem to convince themselves they need an au pair even though they don't. Each family has different reasons for an au pair. For my first family, they seemed to get the idea that getting an english speaking person would magically improve their children's english by leaps and bounds, which did not happen. You cannot ask an 18 year old au pair to produce professional, efficient lesson plans. They needed more of a professional english teacher who knew what they were doing than an au pair. The second family also needed someone to speak english to the kids, but the kids already went to an international school. It seemed like the mum more wanted a friend or someone she could talk about the kids with (she was incredibly obsessed with her kids and talked about them 24/7), and also that she had money to spare because they were quite rich. She seemed attached to the idea of hosting an au pair out of habit because of the previous au pair (who came to them when the 2 year old was a 4 month old, so at that time she actually did need an au pair). Both these families did not feel comfortable leaving me alone with the kids. In fact, the French mum almost never went out of the house when I was alone in it. The third family actually genuinely NEEDS an au pair. The mum works full time and can't pick kids up from school or cook them dinner. So I'd recommend going for a family that wants to host an au pair because they actually need someone to do what an au pair does. Basic housework and babysitting/picking kids up from school/preparing basic meals. You don't want to go looking for someone who wants an au pair because they have extra money to spare but in reality are in the house themselves babysitting their kids anyway. It is no fun and super stressful babysitting kids with the mum around constantly. You also don't want a family who thinks au pair = cheap english tutor. You should be getting paid way more money for english tutoring because it requires planning and brain power. Au pairing is meant to be brainless work.
-It may seem obvious to some, but it wasn't to me. If you hate kids, don't au pair for young children unless you have met them on Skype and are certain they aren't constant spoilt brats 24/7 and throw tantrums. Hearing the parents talk about the kids usually gives me an idea of their attitude towards them. If they are gushing about them for hours on end, then that's a red flag right there. It means they are too in love with them and are likely to give them anything they want which equals spoilt, undisciplined little brats.
-'Integration into the family' is generally not a good thing. You don't want a family that wants to include you in their activities because this almost never works, and in the end it feels more like work during free time anyway because you have to put on this 'I LOVE YOUR KIDS' persona in front of the parents. Simply put, in the end, no matter what you try to pretend otherwise, you are still an employee who gets paid and is living with your employer.
-Describe your personality and what you expect very honestly and bluntly. If you are an introvert and do not want to stay and chat after dinner with host parents, then say so.
-Think about WHY the host family needs an au pair. Do they really 'need' one? Some families, especially ones that have stay at home mums, actually seem to convince themselves they need an au pair even though they don't. Each family has different reasons for an au pair. For my first family, they seemed to get the idea that getting an english speaking person would magically improve their children's english by leaps and bounds, which did not happen. You cannot ask an 18 year old au pair to produce professional, efficient lesson plans. They needed more of a professional english teacher who knew what they were doing than an au pair. The second family also needed someone to speak english to the kids, but the kids already went to an international school. It seemed like the mum more wanted a friend or someone she could talk about the kids with (she was incredibly obsessed with her kids and talked about them 24/7), and also that she had money to spare because they were quite rich. She seemed attached to the idea of hosting an au pair out of habit because of the previous au pair (who came to them when the 2 year old was a 4 month old, so at that time she actually did need an au pair). Both these families did not feel comfortable leaving me alone with the kids. In fact, the French mum almost never went out of the house when I was alone in it. The third family actually genuinely NEEDS an au pair. The mum works full time and can't pick kids up from school or cook them dinner. So I'd recommend going for a family that wants to host an au pair because they actually need someone to do what an au pair does. Basic housework and babysitting/picking kids up from school/preparing basic meals. You don't want to go looking for someone who wants an au pair because they have extra money to spare but in reality are in the house themselves babysitting their kids anyway. It is no fun and super stressful babysitting kids with the mum around constantly. You also don't want a family who thinks au pair = cheap english tutor. You should be getting paid way more money for english tutoring because it requires planning and brain power. Au pairing is meant to be brainless work.
-It may seem obvious to some, but it wasn't to me. If you hate kids, don't au pair for young children unless you have met them on Skype and are certain they aren't constant spoilt brats 24/7 and throw tantrums. Hearing the parents talk about the kids usually gives me an idea of their attitude towards them. If they are gushing about them for hours on end, then that's a red flag right there. It means they are too in love with them and are likely to give them anything they want which equals spoilt, undisciplined little brats.
Here were my scenarios:
-First family lived in Chelles, a town that was a 14 minute train ride away from Paris and a further 20 minutes to the centre of Paris. Location I would rate a 7 (still a bit far from Paris especially as public transport ran every 20-30 minutes). Kids were 10, 6 and 14 months old. Kids were probably a 6.5 in terms of easiness on a scale of 1-10. 314 euros a month (supposedly, but I only got paid 300 euros because the mum was a bitch). 8 hours worth of free language classes a week (not paid by the family either, these were actually free and run by volunteers). Nothing else was paid for. Family very stingy with food, so I often had to buy my own. Supposedly meant to work 30 hours a week, but ended up doing more hours. Level of privacy was not bad as I had practically a whole floor to myself. The day looked like this - 8:30-1pm would generally be just hanging around the living room/kitchen area cleaning up and giving 'english lessons' to the kids which was a pain in the ass. Also semi supervising the 14 month old's playtime which is also a pain in the ass to do when the mum is hovering in the background. Then occasionally (maybe once every 2 or 3 days) from around 4pm-8pm or even 11pm, I would have to again hang around and clean up after everyone, sometimes take kids to music class, etc. Occasionally Wednesdays would be off, but usually not. Weekends were always, always off unless I'd worked out a prior arrangement of my own choosing with the family (e.g. free time on Wednesday in exchange for work on Sunday). Kids were homeschooled which was a pain because working on average about 8 hours a day, 4 days a week for me +8 hours french lessons really felt like a job because the breaks were so far between. Mother was difficult to deal with - had the philosophy that she should work me to the max as she was paying me. Schedule not very clear. Had already had 1 au pair for 2 months, but didn't hear much about her. Okay adjustment period with the family, no pressure to integrate with them.
-Second family lived a 20 minute walk away from the centre of Bonn. Location I would rate a 6 (very small city). Kids were 2 and 4 years old. Total nightmare kids, I'd rate them a 3. 350 euros a month, health insurance, 500 worth of language classes paid for if I stayed a year. Family not stingy with food. Mum worked from home. Next to no privacy, my bedroom door was always open as the mum always needed to get things from my room or talk to me about the kids. Being in an apartment, my room was literally next to the kitchen/living room so couldn't come and go as I pleased without speaking to the mum, who worked on her laptop in the kitchen. Supposedly meant to work 30 hours a week, but there was a very blurred, almost non existent distinction between my time off and my work hours. The typical weekday looked like this: 7:15-8am, preparing the kids' school stuff and snacks as well as breakfast. 3-6pm (varied greatly depending on playdates/whether I was meant to accompany the mother to pick up kids, but was usually 4pm) until 8pm: 'playing' with the kids even though the mum was also playing with them, or watching 2 year old while mum took 4 year old to music class, and occasionally cooking dinner. Then, on Saturdays, I'd accompany mum and kids to music class from 11am, and then when we got home I'd have to again supervise playtime with the mum together. Occasionally I would be needed on Sundays as well, with added pressure to partake in family activities. Parents very difficult to deal with in terms of how they were so picky about how I interacted with the kids, and also they put a lot of pressure on me to do things with the family during my free time. Schedule not clear. They'd already had 1 au pair for 2 years and kept pressuring me to go on outings with her even though our personalities were totally different. Kept comparing me to the old au pair too and I kept getting the feeling I wasn't measuring up to their needs/expectations. The mother frequently had this look on her face when she was talking to me like I was a nasty smell under her nose or something. Took awhile to adjust because they were very unclear about what I needed to do.
-Third and current family lives about 45 minutes by public transport away from the centre of Berlin. Location I would rate a 7. Kids are 8 year old twins and a 11 year old. I'd rate them a 7.5. I get paid 310 euros a month, health insurance, 64 euros per month worth of unlimited public transport, and also a monthly phone plan. Family not stingy with food. Mum works full time. A lot of privacy, room downstairs near kitchen whilst everyone else's rooms and living room are upstairs. I also get the freedom to do things like the family's grocery shopping. Meant to work 30 hours a week, and pretty much I do work around that amount of time each week. I get weekends off. Very clear, awesome schedule. Typical weekday: 7-8 - prepare kids' breakfast and lunches and snacks, as well as the mum's breakfast. Clean up afterwards, make beds, sort out kids laundry. 3 days a fortnight a cleaner comes so I don't have to do any laundry/cleaning up. Then 2:15 or 3:15 (depending on which day) to 6 or 7 (depending on when mum comes home): pick kids up from school, cook dinner, do more tidying up. Max 2 nights per week babysitting, probably until 10pm/11pm/12am. Babysitting is a breeze because I just tell kids to go to bed and they, well, go to bed because they are used to the routine every single day. Already had 9 au pairs, many of them long term, so very relaxed about au pairs doing what they want during free time. No pressure at all to integrate into family. Mother knows what she wants done and will tell me what I need to do. A no fuss relationship. Met the old au pair (who is very wild, does drugs and drinks a lot but also very nice and good with the kids), she showed me what needed to be done. I fit into this role with this family easily from the start.
So yeah, those are description of my situations so far. I have seen so many descriptions of families who live in little German towns in the middle of nowhere, so I think so far I have been lucky in terms of location. As for how easy/difficult it was with each family, I'll let you decide that for yourself.
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