I feel like I'm on some weird kind of boot camp that never seems to end. I'm constantly trying and trying to better myself because I want something major out of this gap year. But evidently, as with most things in the past, I haven't tried hard enough.
This really hasn't been good for my anxiety levels. I'm a naturally anxious person but this is starting to get kind of unhealthy, just a giant pile of stress. I think my main problems are that I'm still not what I want to be. I'm still bitter over how much of a fail my final year of high school was. And much as I wish I could deny it, I unfortunately have an underlying sense of dread almost about my future. I keep questioning my choices in terms of whether I should follow my head or my heart. Jeez that sounded so corny, but it's the truth. Should I go down the logical path of doing Law/International relations at ANU, or do what I truly feel I would be passionate at, that is, Music Studies/Arts at USyd? I wish I knew the answer to that question.
Nervous for Barcelona. I get this impending sense that it will NOT be an easy au pair job. I'm going to try and expect the bare minimum, because I've already had all my previous au pairing expectations crushed. So I really don't expect much at all. I just need to survive for the month of July, and that's all.
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| Gate at the Tower of London |
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| The Louvre museum |
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| Tower Bridge, London |
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