Confused

So much shit has also gone down with this German host family. I don't even want to think about it. It's freaking stressing me out. Au pairing is so stressful. I don't like the kids, the parents are picky and difficult and pissy and I just don't know what I'm doing here. I've been told things like I'm not outgoing enough, and other things that just make me really mad. I don't know if I will last 6 months let alone a year. I have my heart set on leaving after 6 months anyway. I will get my German classes from May to June so I want to stay for that, and I also want to get the chance to go to the US in July/August for having to put up with this shit. Sometimes I just go on Facebook (not on my account, but just the search function) and look at these photos of all these people I knew back home who were in my year at school and what they're up to now. And I reminisce about school and how safe and secure it felt. And it all feels so, so distant, like it was from another lifetime.

Living in Europe is not all I thought it would be. The novelty wore off after like 2 weeks in France. After the Contiki tour I actually got kind of sick of travelling in Europe. Everything is basically the same. I could be in the middle of a random street in Florence and it may as well be in Innsbruck, Austria. All these European cities have the same sort of feel about them.

This really sucks. I don't want to go home and I'm not comfortable here, either. Sometimes I don't think I have ever truly revealed myself to anyone in this world, and no one has ever gotten me before.

I know so many people who go to UNSW it drives me crazy. I don't want to deal with them or have to interact with them at uni.

I think I may go to ANU after all next year. I want to escape everything. I wish I could go to Uni in a different country, but obviously I can't. So ANU is the next best thing. I don't want to deal with anyone I know. I want to start new in another city where I don't know a single soul. So Canberra it is.

From now on I think I will upload 3 pictures I took for each post I make, and maybe think of something I can say about them.

A chandelier in Versailles palace, I think

Disneyland Paris

Notre Dame, Paris