Fingers crossed

I want this to work in Germany. I really, really do. Fine, I screwed up my first week here by being totally antisocial and lazy. I don't know what I was thinking, maybe PMS'ing or something, so my au pair stint in Germany has already gotten off to an awkward start by being told off about my unwillingness to integrate with the family a week into my placement here. That's because last week the kids had school off for Karneval celebrations, and I was just overwhelmed I guess, so spent a lot of time in my room with the door closed. Plus, it was hard to know when or when not I was supposed to be on duty. I mean, the mum was playing with the kids, so I couldn't be expected to babysit them all day everyday, or else it would be over 30 hours. Plus, when I tried to play with the kids one morning, the mum said I didn't have to and I could take a walk instead or take a nap, because both herself and G, the grandma, were there. I guess I sort of assumed she meant I had the rest of the week to do whatever because she was at home to look after the kids. And also I didn't do the dishes for a whole week because I thought the cleaner did the dishes, but apparently the cleaner only comes twice a week and I didn't realise that the days the cleaner didn't come, the mum expected me to do them. So I spent a lot of last week in my room with the door closed. I guess because in France, I had a lot of privacy with my own (well, practically my own) bathroom. Whereas here, I share a bathroom with the kids and my bedroom is like a half-study without a lock, so the parents sometimes come in to get stuff like paper. The apartment is pretty big for an apartment, but downright tiny compared to the house in France. My bedroom door is across from the living room and literally opens out into the dining room/kitchen. So my first week I was just overwhelmed with lack of privacy and having kids around 24/7 when you naturally hate kids is pretty tough, but I admit I should have probably made more of an effort anyway. But things are improving, I think. The work hours with this family are pretty good.

I have looked into piano rental, cello rental, and cello lessons. A, the host mother, has promised me what should technically be 160 hours worth of German lessons, which she will pay the 500 or so euros for. I already have my health insurance, which costs the family 35 euros a month. The only thing I feel really anxious about at the moment is horse riding lessons. It is so damn hard to find an English speaking horse riding place in Bonn and surrounds.

On the plus side, I love Bonn. It is a gorgeous city, in a serene sort of way, especially the part of the city centre near the Rhine river. Strangely enough, it reminds me of a European version of Hawaii. And I finally have my temporary residency permit for Germany, so I am no longer working illegally. Yippee.

I'll try and stay positive, work things out with this family. They have every right to complain, everything so far has been my fault. Well, A did say one thing that I thought was really out of line. She complained at me not socialising enough at L (the four year old)'s party, which is honestly something she has no right to complain about, because that is my personality type and something I cannot change. So it falls into the category of something the family has to be open-minded and accepting about. And some 18 year olds just find it intimidating initiating conversations with strangers their own age at parties, let alone strangers who are in their 30's and parents of toddlers, who additionally may view me as merely 'the help'. Also A complained indirectly about me not making enough of an attempt to be friends with S, the former au pair but it is hard because we have totally different personality types, and she is at least 5 years older than me. Heck, even the host parent dynamics are a bit weird because they are like 42 and 44 years old, old enough to be my parents so it is hard to make conversation with them. The dad is a bit better in this regard, but the mum has one of those personality types I don't get along naturally with very easily. They said I needed to be more proactive and more open, and the dad said I was too cautious with the kids by constantly just watching them, he suggested I should 'play with them' (I hate playing with kids. Most brain cell killing, mind numbing job ever). But the only thing that matters, I suppose, is that the parents are genuinely good people, and although I have already had issues with the family, they can be smoothed out. I am sure of it, because this is actually a good family compared to the horrid French one.