New beginnings...for the third time

J'espère que cette famille va s'arranger . J'ai dit que deux fois auparavant et il n'a pas fonctionné . Troisième temps de la chance , peut-être . J'ai un bon feeling sur cette famille . Je ne sais pas , un tout petit peu d'intuition qui me dit que cela ne fonctionnera enfin sorti . Je vais m'assurer de lui. Maintenant que j'ai eu un peu juste de l'expérience des familles d'accueil , je sais ce qu'ils attendent de moi et ce que je peux attendre d'eux . Je pense que de nombreuses jeunes filles au pair premier temps , ils sont vraiment incertain et timide sur certaines choses au début, mais maintenant que j'ai eu cette expérience déjà , je peux à peu près saut droit en droits de filles au pair ma première journée complète ici .

Last Sunday I woke up feeling plain depressed and annoyed, a feeling that grew when I was obliged to join the host family at a kid's music concert when they never gave me the choice of whether I wanted to go with them on my day off or not. By then, I'd already arranged Skype interviews with several host families because I was ready to leave as soon as I found a family that offered similar or better. I decided it wasn't worth staying just for the trip to New York in August, because as I eventually realised, it doesn't matter where you are but it does matter who you are with. Sure, New York sounds amazing but all of that would be totally spoiled just by the fact that I'd have to spend every day with the Kaessners again. Not even a free plane ticket to New York could possibly make me want to spend every second of every day with those two brats for a whole month.

Coincidentally, on that Sunday, the very day I had arranged a Skype interview with a mum from Berlin for when the kids went swimming, Jens fired me. I was in my room, he walked in, sat down and just said 'Joanna, I don't think this is going to work out'. He then started comparing me to 13 year old L, the daughter of a family friend. Apparently I failed the test of babysitting for a whole day on Saturday. I think that was what finally made them fire me. I kind of saw it coming, so I was actually pretty calm about it. If I hadn't already found a family, I would have semi freaked, but even then it would have been ok because I'd have known that I could eventually find one pretty fast due to me already being in Germany. Nothing could compare to how upset, lonely and isolated I felt after that first week. I felt like total shit when they told me off for the first time. When they said I needed to be more outgoing and open and told me off for not socialising enough at Lukas' 4th birthday. I pretty much sat on a park bench near Bonn university and just stayed there, thinking things through and trying to make myself feel better. But being fired, surprisingly, made me feel almost a sense of relief and instant calm. I could finally leave.

It's a bit hard to describe why I hated living with the Kaessners, but I think it all comes down to my personality and need for privacy. I hated the kids. I hated them screaming and being all undisciplined. I hated how the parents let them do whatever they wanted. I hated how the mum worked from home and I could never relax alone in the house. I hated how the mum was always hovering around when I babysat the kids. I hated how they made me feel like I wasn't good enough for them, and I needed to change my personality. I hated how my bedroom was so open to everyone in the family and I never had my privacy. I hated having to cross the living room and kitchen just to get to 'my' bathroom. What my current host mum said totally makes sense. You can't force yourself to like something, and the moment I saw my room, the moment I got my first glimpse of how shockingly undisciplined the kids were in public, was the moment I should have realised that it wasn't going to work out. Anja was such a bitch and didn't even give me a ride to the station when she said she was going to, so I spent quite a stressful few minutes trying to get hold of a taxi that would take me to the station which was 3 minutes away. Literally when I left, Anja just stood by the door, shook my hand and complained to me that she didn't know if she could cancel the monthly health insurance she had signed me up for. Didn't even offer to help my carry one of my 4 heavy bags/suitcases down the 2 flights of stairs or anything, let alone ask how I would get to the station. I attempted to walk at first but realised that was impossible with 2 suitcases, a giant duffle bag, a handbag and a backpack. Thank God the taxi came when it did, because I honestly started to think I would miss the train to Berlin.

This family lives about 20 minutes away from the city centre. I love the apartment and the way it is laid out, way cooler than the old apartment in Bonn. The mum has had 9 former au pairs, and surely out of those 9, I can't be the worst or anything. Because I do take my job seriously, it's just that I hate kids so I don't interact with them if possible. Otherwise I am fine with doing housework and cleaning, that stuff doesn't bother me at all.